i felt bad that i didn't post AT ALL this week, but every night i thought about it. it's the thought that counts after all, right? anyway, so much happened that i'm not even gunna bother trying to remember all of it. but i have to say that i am so glad that i sit right in front of mr. wilson in geometry. he like, hates/loves the people that sit on either side of me- so he's always making fun of them. i hear it all. i love it. i'll have to put up a list of some of the things that he says, it's pretty great. geometry has probably become my favorite class, which, when you think about it is just WRONG. In my now-second-fave-class-used-to-be-first-fave-class-biology, i have continued writing on the desk and getting little notes back. i found out that of the two people who have been writing back, i know one. his name is kevin and he's a sophomore. He's friends with courtney, a member of the posse- which is kinda how i guessed who he is. he was on my marching band bus and we traded ipods. i spent like half hour listening to johnny cash (<3). class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_8">semester. talk about awkward.
since i don't feel like talking about anything else, i'll tell you what i am doing right now. i am sitting in the most uncomfortable chair, in sweats and my superman sweatshirt, listening to lord knows what through my brothers headphones (which he will prolly kiiillll me for). i am also talking to jordynn on MSN as she watches Steven's Untitled Cooking Show with the Used. if you haven't seen it, stop reading this and check it out. it will blow your eyelids off.
JEPH CONQUERS ALL! (figuratively speaking)
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[welcome.]
navigating around the school hallways and seeing the people walk by, i look into their faces. i notice their hair color, whether they wear glasses, what color eyes they have, who they walk with... its corny, but i try to look past all of that, too. once and awhile its nice for someone as shy as me to pass another person in the hall, a complete stranger no less, who dares to make eye contact and sends my heart into flutters. i can't help thinking, "that person saw me." but its not really the act of "seeing" itself, its more the act of "searching," that means most to me. i feel lost. i feel disposable; a picture frame that gets a scratch across the glass and is thrown away, just to be replaced. i don't really have a problem with that, i don't feel like i need to be pitied or ... that i need to seek attention. its the replacement that bothers me. i want to offer something that no one else can, i just haven't found that thing yet. this is just the ramblings of a high school no one who likes to watch rather then do. i like to think of myself as rather quiet, yet excitable and fun to be around. but there's always that underlying feeling of unease and awkwardness, that i've only been able to overcome a few times in my life. i don't want to change who i am. i don't want others to pretend to see in me what they don't. i want people to see the bad side of me, and spend the time searching for the good. i look for the best in others, and often times face the flaws in myself. welcome to my public diary...
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