for those of you who didn't know, yesterday was brandi's birthday. kinda funny that my friends birthday is the day before my sister's huh? anyway, she got to choose what we had for supper, and she choose pizza ranch, (well, that's her story, but i know for a fact that that's where my mom wanted to go). we did the usual: eat, open presents. but if you have ever been to pizza ranch, you know that they have an arcade. it's not really and arcade, just a hallway chucked full of video games. and the real money waster, the crane game. its one of those impossible games that you can never get anything out of-- especially when you REALLY WANT TO. altogether, brandi, sam, aaron and me spent around 20$ on the crane game and the bouncy ball game that was lucky enough to be placed right next to it. so by the time we left, me and sam both had a pair of sunglasses and ron had about 20 bouncy walls and a crappy watch that lights up.
i am so glad that semester tests are done! and i only think i flunked two of them!
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[welcome.]
navigating around the school hallways and seeing the people walk by, i look into their faces. i notice their hair color, whether they wear glasses, what color eyes they have, who they walk with... its corny, but i try to look past all of that, too. once and awhile its nice for someone as shy as me to pass another person in the hall, a complete stranger no less, who dares to make eye contact and sends my heart into flutters. i can't help thinking, "that person saw me." but its not really the act of "seeing" itself, its more the act of "searching," that means most to me. i feel lost. i feel disposable; a picture frame that gets a scratch across the glass and is thrown away, just to be replaced. i don't really have a problem with that, i don't feel like i need to be pitied or ... that i need to seek attention. its the replacement that bothers me. i want to offer something that no one else can, i just haven't found that thing yet. this is just the ramblings of a high school no one who likes to watch rather then do. i like to think of myself as rather quiet, yet excitable and fun to be around. but there's always that underlying feeling of unease and awkwardness, that i've only been able to overcome a few times in my life. i don't want to change who i am. i don't want others to pretend to see in me what they don't. i want people to see the bad side of me, and spend the time searching for the good. i look for the best in others, and often times face the flaws in myself. welcome to my public diary...
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