you paint my world

wow i haven't posted in a while. not much has happened in the past week though. more problems with the van of course, but thats old news. i've been txting like crazy too, since mel just got a fone. I'M FREAKIN' EXCITED for the panic! concert. duh. i do of course still have to get my tickets. i'm pretty sure we're doing that later today. we just got a grill. that was horrible in every way possible. so much went wRONg. the food tastes great though. uhg... my eyes hurt after playing rock band for 5 hours yesterday. i'm proud to say that i can almost pass any song on hard. WOOT WOOT! well, i guess i don't have that much to talk about besides that. summer's pretty boring when you have no life...

feel the summer wind

well... i guess it's summer. i'm sure that i will wake up tomorrow at 8 in the morning and freak out thinking that i'm going to be late for school. it really hasn't hit me that school's over. i actually enjoyed it this year and i really want to hold onto the memories. i can't help but think that some moments from this year might mean more to me then others, and when they think back to the school year i'll just be "another person" and not anyone of consequence. at least that's what it feels like sometimes. anyway, i'm going to miss school, even the learning part. besides, summer seems too long when you don't have a life.

i know that i need to stop getting all "deep" and emotional during these posts, but i've just realized something very important. very recently i've had some problems with my faith. i no longer have that "child-like innocence" where you can believe in everything without proof. i'm always watching and listening and sometimes what i find can make it harder to believe. trust me, i want more than anything to believe in God, someone that is always there watching out for you and loving you and forgiving you. but i think the real reason that i haven't been able to really commit to the idea, no matter how many church services i attend, is because i'm afraid to set myself up for disappointment. when i die, there is supposed to be this wonderful place where i will go and i will live for eternity with God and Jesus and my grandpa and my dad... but i can't help wondering what will happen if that place doesn't exist. you don't even know how hard it is for me to type this, no matter how fast my fingers are going. i hate that i have this doubt in me, like a stone in my heart that's always there and weighing my down so that i can't float through life like the people around me. but that place is all that i could ever ask for, and i have no clue what would happen if when i die, i have to face eternity alone without that.

sorry for the sadness, but its just something that needs to be said. i'll try not to darken your days any more with sad posts, haha. well, i need to go, i'm leaving tomorrow morning for Winona MN and i've been to bed really late all week. i'll try to be a happier poster from now on. :D

1st Class Understatement

so, i guess today was the day the luck ran out. i'm not going to get too detailed about things, but maybe a list of the misfortunes in our 3 hour errand run will help. i actually find it kinda funny, so i'm not complainging. it makes my life a little more interesting.

- i'm not sure if i'm going to pass geometry with a good grade...
- the posse are experiencing some technical difficulties.
- brandi shut my foot in the van door
- the door broke
- the automatic door made loud screeching noises (like the subwoofer)
- because brandi needs braces, we might find it hard to buy some things. like many types of food.
- this means my plan of eating healthier kinda goes down the drain, since the only cheap food is junk food.
- i almost cried in the grocery store because i once again came to the conclusion that america is fucking stupid.
- i feel bad about our money problem because i just spent my 170 confirmation dollars on just myself.
- while carrying a twelve pack of green tea to the door, i dropped it twice; once on the ground and once on my foot.

and that's only what happened today. i could also mention how the wind-sheild wiper on the van broke and of course the thing with the tire on ron's car yesterday. the only problem is, it's putting so much stress on mom that i get anxious whenever i look at her. yea, this is going to be a hard summer. i'm just hoping i can do something to help.

and the trap snaps shut.

well, that was the most interesting day in a while. not only did i aquire a new backpack, but i learned a little more about how people work, i realized some things about myself, and a little peice of metal sliced its way through the car tire and caused a flat. we pulled over, expecting a tree to fall on us or lightning to strike with the luck we've had in that car... and it only figures that all cell phone reception was momentarily out of whak. i ran halfway down the block trying to get those damned bars (which reminds me of those commercials now that i think about it. i should've looked around for some trees or i dunno people who were lined up from tallest to shortest), to no avail. i ran up the steps to the nearest house and rang the door bell. this old man answers the door and i tell him our how our car got a flat and how we have no cell phone reception and he looks around and he's like "hold on a moment and i'll go and fetch my cell phone." yeah. but for some reason, his worked and i got a hold of my mom's work at the exact time that ron got a hold of my mom on his cell. figures. so, with mom whipering words of wisdom, he proceeded to start to change the tire. me and courtney both realized at the same moment that all we could possibly do is get in the way of his progress- so we went on a walk. around the block, up to patrick and back. we talked a lot, and now i feel kind of bad about all that i know... when we got back ron was still working, but the guy that had lent me his phone had come out and helped, and sam was reading the handy dandy instruction manual on "how to change a tire." together they finished in in a matter of moments. moments from when my mom drove up that is. we stuffed all our junk in the car (and van. you have noticably less room when there's a tire in your truck) and drove back home, gripping the seats for dear life. that was our second "adventure" in that 2000 malibu's short time with us, the first being a lovely trip over an ice hill when the car lost control of the gas gage and steering. definatly the most excitment it awhile. anyone got anything to top that on the list of "we have no luck at all" moments?

mauve (noun) A moderate grayish violet to moderate reddish purple color.

so i guess the oral interp thing wasn't all that bad. the waiting was horrific, and so was being the last to go on the first day, and knowing that everyone is staring at you and watching you and waiting for you to either do unexpectedly great or unexpectedly bad, and knowing that you will be compared to the people that have gone before you and messing up and embaressing yourself and shaking with nerves the whole time... but other then that it wasn't all bad. i mean, watching them was pretty fun, right?

its kind of hard to believe that this school year only has 4 full days left. i guess i'm looking forward to being a sophmore (its not like its gunna feel much different). my only worry is that i a.) won't have lunch with anybody or b.) my classes suck butt and have a lot of homework and no entertaining people. i'm kind of looking forward to marching band, but not in a geeky way. the reasons being the trip through NJ to NY for Macys, and shopping (not in a superficial valley girl way) in the amazing shops there. it should be fun seeing all those people and doing all these things and having a big dinner with all of the band people on my birthday too. maybe it won't be as bad as it first seems being away from the fam then... i dunno, either way, there is no way that i would miss this. and going to hard rock cafe is a bonus. is anyone else getting as excited as i am? we only have to get through spat camp first...

this is a list of the classes that i signed up for next year, but i have no clue what teacher or what period i'll have them. i'll post that later, and if you have a blog you have to do it too. :D

Concert Band
Chemestry
Acc. English II
World History of Mankind
Algebra II
Design/Drawing (i'm not sure which)

have a good LAST WEEK OF SCHOOL PEOPLE! charish this moment because it only comes once a year. duh.

What color should I make my Blog?

i can not seem to find the right color combination for my blog, so as you can see above, i make a poll to ask what you guys think. you can post comments here if you chose "other," or if you just want to comment. keep in mind that i don't really want to change the header of my blog, but i could if i have to... and any color should be fine as long as its not pink. i need ideas, so please any input would be great. for the record mauve is totally a color. and it looks like this:

this is a tissue of lies...

personally, i've always liked thunderstorms. when i was just a little pink thing in my mommy's insides, my mom said i started kicking whenever there was thunder. and i'm telling you, it was not in fright. i don't really know what it is about them, i just love it to death. i could watch the rain fall for hours, though this usually easier when you're above ground. the rain was awesome last night, the tornado warning's that came with it, not so much. mom kinda freaked out and ushured me and brandi and the cats down to the basement. you never notice how bad a room smells until you are forced to be in there. i kept sneaking upstairs to take a breath of fresh air and watch the hail that was now pouring from the sky. man that stuff can bounce! i spent most of the hour texting people and looking at my dads old records. i'm glad it was over quick, but it was enough to freak out my sister...

(just so you know, what i'm about to say is pretty much completely pointless and very random. if you don't want to read it NAVIGATE AWAY FROM THIS PAGE NOW. for those of you just got very curious with what i had to say, feel free to read on.
so on the way home from school today, we were taking the usual route and all, but up ahead i saw this guy riding his bike. that might seem normal, but what i found funny was he was wearing a see-through garbage bag and smoking a cigarrette. he reminded me of "mohawk guy" from TDG, and he didn't even have hair.