Wednesday, December 5, 2007

hey, there's glass in my backpack

period 1:

during first period, someone lifted up their backpack and realized that there was a bucket load of broken glass in their bag. he didn't know how it got there, or where it came from. so he then proceeded to walk over to the trash can and shake it empty, with a funny trash compacter sound as he shook it. i think there's still glass in it...

period 2:

last friday i drew this obnoxiously large circle on my desk in biology. when school started this monday, and i arrived in that class, someone had added their own details to the drawing. it was basically a large "A" in the center of the circle. in my curiousity i wrote, "who sits here?" on the desk, trying to find out who had the nerve to ruin my almost perfect circle. yesterday when i got to class, someone had written something back: "who sits here?" "ME!" i wrote a casual "ha" in return. today, however, the person (who i'm guessing is a girl, and not the person who drew in my circle) asked my who i am. i didn't give out my name, of course. who knows, she could be some child pedophile. or the teacher trying to pull one over on me. i just told the girl/childpedophile/teacher that i'm a freshman.

period 6:

just a normal day in math. except for the fact that the person sitting next to me found out right before the class started that her car had been hit in the parking lot. she left. i helped mr. wilson put her stuff away (kinda) and that's why i was late. melanie.

this saturday:

i have a very busy day planned. my aunt and uncle are coming to town to check on my grandma, and i will prolly be eating at my grandma's house. feel free to call, but i won't answer. i will also be getting a hair cut. i still dunno what i'm getting, so don't ask. it will be a surprise. for everyone. :0 however, i am pretty sure that i will be able to post a song of the week, so be prepared.


luffles
[.liss.]

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[welcome.]

navigating around the school hallways and seeing the people walk by, i look into their faces. i notice their hair color, whether they wear glasses, what color eyes they have, who they walk with... its corny, but i try to look past all of that, too. once and awhile its nice for someone as shy as me to pass another person in the hall, a complete stranger no less, who dares to make eye contact and sends my heart into flutters. i can't help thinking, "that person saw me." but its not really the act of "seeing" itself, its more the act of "searching," that means most to me. i feel lost. i feel disposable; a picture frame that gets a scratch across the glass and is thrown away, just to be replaced. i don't really have a problem with that, i don't feel like i need to be pitied or ... that i need to seek attention. its the replacement that bothers me. i want to offer something that no one else can, i just haven't found that thing yet. this is just the ramblings of a high school no one who likes to watch rather then do. i like to think of myself as rather quiet, yet excitable and fun to be around. but there's always that underlying feeling of unease and awkwardness, that i've only been able to overcome a few times in my life. i don't want to change who i am. i don't want others to pretend to see in me what they don't. i want people to see the bad side of me, and spend the time searching for the good. i look for the best in others, and often times face the flaws in myself. welcome to my public diary...