Saturday, December 15, 2007

2nd song of the week


i asked jordynn, and she thought that i should put up a song of the week for last week also. it's fun, so why not?

A Lack of Color
Death Cab for Cutie
Transatlanticism

And when i see you
I really see you upside down
But my brain knows better
It picks you up and turns you around
Turns you around,
turns you around

If you feel discouraged
That there's a lack of color here
Please don't worry lover
It's really bursting at the seams

For absorbing everything
The spectrum's a to z
This is fact not fiction
For the first time in years

All the girls in every girlie magazine
Can't make me feel any less alone
I'm reaching for the phone
To call at 7:03
[and] on your machine I slur
a plea for you to come home

But i know it's too late
I should have given you a reason to stay
Given you a reason to stay
Given you a reason to stay
Given you a reason to stay

This is fact not fiction
For the first time in years

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[welcome.]

navigating around the school hallways and seeing the people walk by, i look into their faces. i notice their hair color, whether they wear glasses, what color eyes they have, who they walk with... its corny, but i try to look past all of that, too. once and awhile its nice for someone as shy as me to pass another person in the hall, a complete stranger no less, who dares to make eye contact and sends my heart into flutters. i can't help thinking, "that person saw me." but its not really the act of "seeing" itself, its more the act of "searching," that means most to me. i feel lost. i feel disposable; a picture frame that gets a scratch across the glass and is thrown away, just to be replaced. i don't really have a problem with that, i don't feel like i need to be pitied or ... that i need to seek attention. its the replacement that bothers me. i want to offer something that no one else can, i just haven't found that thing yet. this is just the ramblings of a high school no one who likes to watch rather then do. i like to think of myself as rather quiet, yet excitable and fun to be around. but there's always that underlying feeling of unease and awkwardness, that i've only been able to overcome a few times in my life. i don't want to change who i am. i don't want others to pretend to see in me what they don't. i want people to see the bad side of me, and spend the time searching for the good. i look for the best in others, and often times face the flaws in myself. welcome to my public diary...