Song of the Week

wow. i really need to work on this. anyway, this is kind of dirty song, but i love it anyway. :D check it out. thanx for recommending them, mel.

Dear Ms. Leading

The Dear Hunter

Act II: The Meaning of, & all things regarding Ms. Leading

Dear Ms. Leading I hate to tell you

that I no longer need your services

A bitter fabricating manufacturer of lust

You have been presented as

It doesn’t do a thing for me,

I now know your identity

A black widow who temps

the gray with promises of love

If ignorance is bliss,

wish I was blissfully ignorant

But I'm not, I'm enlightened

now light has been presented to me

In spite of...

You know Ms. Leading

I regret to inform you

I’ve fallen out of lust

It must be so hard to understand

Hell no I don’t think so,

hell no I don’t think so

Did you really think me

a fool enough to play along?

And make believing everything

you said was true

Push your battering lips on

another unsuspecting men

Hell no I don’t think so,

hell no I don’t think so

Dear Ms. Leading in response

to your response

I'm simply unavailable

I hope you got the message

in the message that I sent

Shame on me for falling

for someone so dense

In different times I’d migh

of played along to something warm,

something with security

As fleeting as momentary rapture

and the pleasure of collapsing in arms

So welcoming to others just like me

You know Ms. Leading I regret

to inform youI’ve fallen out of lust

It must be so hard to understand

Hell no I don’t think so,

hell no I don’t think so

Did you really think me a fool

enough to play along?

And make believing everything you said was true

Push your battering lips on another

unsuspecting man

Hell no I don’t think so,

hell no I don’t think so

i shouldn't be doing this right now

well... it is approximately ... 10:31 p.m. and i should be in the shower so that i can go to barnes and noble tomorrow not smelling like... well i didn't take a shower last night. i wish that i could say that something terribly exciting happened to me since the last time i've posted but it hasn't. surprise surprise. i spent the course of the day watching season to of supernatural while fiddling with my guitar on the living room floor in my pajama's. i watched a good movie tho, music and lyrics (if you haven't seen it you should, it's great). i loved it. my mom cried. it's all good.

surprisingly i'm not tired right now, tho i stayed up until about 1 a.m. at mels playing guitar hero at mels. on hard. o, and by the way? ron told me that monsters isn't until the last set, mel. figures right? haha. well, to recap what has happened to me recently, that i might have forgotten to mention or just didn't or whatever, ron gave me, mom, brandi and the posse braclets made out of guitar strings. very high end, forty dollars for the lot. mines silver, since they came in assorted colors. oh, ron also bought sam an MCR flag. did jaws drop or was that just me? it's about 4 x 4 and pretty much amazing for a thin piece of cheap fabric. haha. i think she liked it. also, for those of you who don't know, i was asked out by someone that i just considered a friend. now, you see this kind of stuff on tv, right? you see someone kinda, twitch in the awkwardness. and yea, that's pretty much right. tho my confrontation took place on facebook. i won't go into details, tho for clarification, i am single. haha, jk. but no seriously.

i have been feeling kinda crazy lately. for my friends out there, hi, love you, always will- don't take this too seriously, i'm just rambling. i think it's just holiday blues. i feel like i should be doing something, but i don't know what. i kinda feel lost, like my life is wasting away and i'm letting it. it's a scary feeling. i'm only 15! i've been listening to music less, which is scary in itself considering i'm basically a junky. and also, i think i'm blowing this completely out of proportion. i am so EFFING B O R E D. but i have a paint set i can work on, and when that fails (and it prolly will) i have my guitar.

so, that's a summery of whats been going on with me. but not really. sometimes i don't even know. so, tell me. what's going on with you?

relieve song

i know that it's not saturday, and there for it is not time to do the song of the week, but i don't think that this song should wait. my brother went to a mcr concert almost a year ago, and one of the opening bands was Rise Against. when they played, they had a large screen behind them, and they played a video to support PETA.com. PETA is an animal wellness/protection program, basically run by green people (you know what i mean). this video and song are very powerful, and if you haven't heard any Rise Against yet, check them out- it's pretty awesome.


Ready To Fall
Rise Against
The Sufferer & the Witness

Hold on, slow down
again from the top now
and tell me everything

I know I've been gone
for what seems like forever
But I'm here now waiting

To convince you that I'm not
a ghost or a stranger
But closer than you think

She said, "just go on to what you
Pretend is your life but
Please don't die on me"

Wings won't take me
Heights don't phase me
So take a step
But don't look down
Take a step

Now I'm standing on the rooftop
ready to fall
I think I'm at the edge now
but I could be wrong
I'm standing on the rooftop
ready to fall

Perpetual motion, the image won't focus
A blur is all that's seen
But here in this moment
like the eye of the storm
It all came clear to me

I found a shoulder to lean on
An infallible reason to live all by itself
I took one last look from
the heights that I once loved
And then I ran like hell

Wings won't take me
Heights don't phase me
So take a step
But don't look down
Take a step

Now I'm standing on the rooftop
ready to fall
I think I'm at the edge now
but I could be wrong

I'm standing on the rooftop
ready to fall

I count the times that I've been sorry
I know, I know
Now my compassion
slowly drowns
I know, I know

If there's a time these
walls could guard you
I know, I know
Then let that time be right now

Now I'm standing on the rooftop
Now I'm standing on the rooftop
ready to fall

I'm standing on the rooftop ready to fall
I think I'm at the edge now
but I could be wrong

I'm standing on the rooftop ready to fall
Now I'm standing on the rooftop (ready to fall)
Now I'm standing on the rooftop (ready to fall)
Now I'm standing on the rooftop (ready to fall)
Now I'm standing on the rooftop ready to fall



http://www.peta2.com/OUTTHERE/o-riseagainst_video.asp?c=p206f

HAPPY BIRTHDAY JARED!

i hope that everyone's christmas was wonderful and they got to see their family, and they got good presents and all that. overall, my christmas was pretty good. we went over to my grandma's christmas eve and opened some presents with my cousins. then x-mas day we went to my ... aunts (?) house and ate with a bunch of people i didn't really know. the cookies were good tho. i even drank a little coffee, but it was so bitter i didn't even actually take a drink. when we left there, we went to see Tim Burton's, Sweeny Todd. not for the weak of heart i can tell you that. and you can definately tell that it's a Tim Burton because there is death, love and a lot of singing. but its pretty good. very meloncoly and infinate sadness. hehe.

so, here is a list of the presents i got!
"dookie"- Green Day
men's pajama pants (thats my mom for you)
black hoodie w/ multicolor boomboxes
recent mcr poster
3 pair of long argile socks (score!)
dark gray hoodie w/ tree design
"guitar chords" mini poster
hot topic gift card
claires gift card (so i can get my ears peirced)
white studded belt
earphones (thank GOD!)
lotion/body wash/spray combo in ginger flavor
"green person" calender
pre-lain paint canvas set

p.s. TODAY IS JARED'S BIRTHDAY! wish him a happy kwanza/boxing day! he is... *sigh* 36 years old

final semester grades // schedule

these are my final grades for the semester (obviously). at the bottom i will show my schedule for next semester. check it out and let me know if i have any classes with you.

grades:

period 1: Modern Civilizations: C, 81.0 // overall grade = B, 86.8
period 2: Biology: A, 95.1 // overall grade = A, 94.8
period 3: World Geography: B, 85.2 // overall grade = A, 94.4
period 5: F. Band: B, 90.0 // overall grade = A, 95.0
period 6: Geometry: C, 78.8 // overall grade = B, 87.1
period 7: Acc. English: A, 92.6 // overall grade = B, 89.1


schedule:

period 1: Biology // Smith
period 2: Cardio Fitness I // Krueger
period 3: Acc. English IB // Wallenberg
period 4: Study/Lunch
period 5: Freshman Band
period 6: Geometry // Wilson
period 7: Health and Wellness // Wehrkamp

Song of the Week

I didn't realize that yesterday was saturday until my mom left for church this morning, so...

this week's song:

Say this Sooner
The Almost
Southern Weather

I can't believe
I didn't say this sooner
I'll just believe that
I was all displaced

I'll get to speaking
let you know how I feel
I'll get to judging make
you see my appeal

No one will ever see
things the way I do
No one will try,
All my friends think
that I'm gone but I swear
...I swear I'm not
I swear I'm not!

This makes me feel that
I'll never be quite normal
This makes me act
like I'll never get out alive

I'll get to acting make
you all believe me
I'll get to faking show
you all how to grieve

No one will ever see
things the way I do
No one will try,
All my friends think
that I'm gone but I swear
...I swear I'm not
I swear I'm not!

In and out is where it
gets back to the place it does,
Makes me feel like I just
want to feel just like it touch

No one will ever see
things the way I do
No one will try,
All your friends say that
your gone but you swear
...I swear I'm not

No one will ever see
things the way I do
No one will try,
All my friends think
that I'm gone but I swear
...I swear I'm not
I swear I'm not!

pizza ranch

for those of you who didn't know, yesterday was brandi's birthday. kinda funny that my friends birthday is the day before my sister's huh? anyway, she got to choose what we had for supper, and she choose pizza ranch, (well, that's her story, but i know for a fact that that's where my mom wanted to go). we did the usual: eat, open presents. but if you have ever been to pizza ranch, you know that they have an arcade. it's not really and arcade, just a hallway chucked full of video games. and the real money waster, the crane game. its one of those impossible games that you can never get anything out of-- especially when you REALLY WANT TO. altogether, brandi, sam, aaron and me spent around 20$ on the crane game and the bouncy ball game that was lucky enough to be placed right next to it. so by the time we left, me and sam both had a pair of sunglasses and ron had about 20 bouncy walls and a crappy watch that lights up.

i am so glad that semester tests are done! and i only think i flunked two of them!

figures

for those of you who didn't know this, my blog has been giving me a little trouble. just to sign in i would have to go through about 7 steps so that i could change my passy to the same thing it was before it recognized me. so, today after school i decided that i had had enough. i signed up for a new blog, and of course the moment i do that, this blog fixes itself. figures. i now have a way that i can just click a button and i am logged on.

semester tests tomorrow:

modern civilizations

biology

world geography

P.S.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MEL! <3

babysitting

i am here, at my house, switching between messaging on facebook and getting frustrated with my itunes! it's being stupid. i think i ate to much mac and cheese too. i feel like i'm gunna throw up. it's not a pleasant feeling, i can tell you that.

my sis is in the shower. she kept falling asleep on the couch, and not reading like she was supposed to so that she can pass the fourth grade. i told her to take a shower then go to bed, and to my complete and utter amazement, she listened! she must not be feeling well. so, i'm gunna go listen to a little 30 Seconds, cuz i've been in kick today. ttyl. i'll try not to upchuck, i can't miss school tomorrow. damn semester tests.

the dream

i had a really... vivid dream this morning. it's the kind that you don't forget when you wake up; it stays with you and you feel like you left the theater half way through the movie. when my mom woke me up for church, the first thing i did was close my eyes. i almost swore at her. *yikes* i wanted to go back and continue having the dream. it didn't end in a good place. i wrote it down when i got home. i want to remember it. it felt good for a while, and i want to be able to fix it so it feels like that again.

2nd song of the week

i asked jordynn, and she thought that i should put up a song of the week for last week also. it's fun, so why not?

A Lack of Color
Death Cab for Cutie
Transatlanticism

And when i see you
I really see you upside down
But my brain knows better
It picks you up and turns you around
Turns you around,
turns you around

If you feel discouraged
That there's a lack of color here
Please don't worry lover
It's really bursting at the seams

For absorbing everything
The spectrum's a to z
This is fact not fiction
For the first time in years

All the girls in every girlie magazine
Can't make me feel any less alone
I'm reaching for the phone
To call at 7:03
[and] on your machine I slur
a plea for you to come home

But i know it's too late
I should have given you a reason to stay
Given you a reason to stay
Given you a reason to stay
Given you a reason to stay

This is fact not fiction
For the first time in years

this week

i felt bad that i didn't post AT ALL this week, but every night i thought about it. it's the thought that counts after all, right? anyway, so much happened that i'm not even gunna bother trying to remember all of it. but i have to say that i am so glad that i sit right in front of mr. wilson in geometry. he like, hates/loves the people that sit on either side of me- so he's always making fun of them. i hear it all. i love it. i'll have to put up a list of some of the things that he says, it's pretty great. geometry has probably become my favorite class, which, when you think about it is just WRONG. In my now-second-fave-class-used-to-be-first-fave-class-biology, i have continued writing on the desk and getting little notes back. i found out that of the two people who have been writing back, i know one. his name is kevin and he's a sophomore. He's friends with courtney, a member of the posse- which is kinda how i guessed who he is. he was on my marching band bus and we traded ipods. i spent like half hour listening to johnny cash (<3). class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_8">semester. talk about awkward.

since i don't feel like talking about anything else, i'll tell you what i am doing right now. i am sitting in the most uncomfortable chair, in sweats and my superman sweatshirt, listening to lord knows what through my brothers headphones (which he will prolly kiiillll me for). i am also talking to jordynn on MSN as she watches Steven's Untitled Cooking Show with the Used. if you haven't seen it, stop reading this and check it out. it will blow your eyelids off.

JEPH CONQUERS ALL! (figuratively speaking)

Song of the Week

yes, i am also surprised that i actually am making this post. its either this or watching the notebook with my mom. sorry, i just won't go there today. i don't feel like crying.

Let Me Go
3 Doors Down
Seventeen Days

One more kiss could be the best thing
But one more lie could be the worst
And all these thoughts are never resting
And you're not something I deserve

In my head there's only you now
This world falls on me
In this world there's real and make believe
And this seems real to me

You love me
but you don't know who I am
I'm torn between this life I lead
and where I stand

And you love me
but you don't know who I am
So let me go
Let me go

I dream ahead to what I hope for
And I turn my back on loving you
How can this love be a good thing
When I know what I'm goin through

In my head there's only you now
This world falls on me
In this world there's real and make believe
And this seems real to me

You love me
but you don't know who I am
I'm torn between this life I lead
and where I stand

You love me
but you don't know who I am
So let me go
Just Let me go...
Let me go

And no matter how hard I try
I can't escape these things inside
I knowI knowww...
When all the pieces fall apart
You will be the only one
who knows, who knows

You love me
but you don't know who I am
I'm torn between this life I lead
and where I stand

And you love me
but you don't know Who I am
So let me go
Just let me go

And you love me but you don't-
You love me but you don't-
You love me but you don't
know who I am

And you love me but you don't-
You love me but you don't-
You love me but you don't know me

TGIF!

thank god its friday! uuuggh! this week has been so long.... but hey, im not complaining, being the good lil' trooper that i am. i just wanna go lie down, eat a pop-tart and watch fight club.

his name is robert paulson!

today

n o t h i n g

=

nothing

hey, there's glass in my backpack

period 1:

during first period, someone lifted up their backpack and realized that there was a bucket load of broken glass in their bag. he didn't know how it got there, or where it came from. so he then proceeded to walk over to the trash can and shake it empty, with a funny trash compacter sound as he shook it. i think there's still glass in it...

period 2:

last friday i drew this obnoxiously large circle on my desk in biology. when school started this monday, and i arrived in that class, someone had added their own details to the drawing. it was basically a large "A" in the center of the circle. in my curiousity i wrote, "who sits here?" on the desk, trying to find out who had the nerve to ruin my almost perfect circle. yesterday when i got to class, someone had written something back: "who sits here?" "ME!" i wrote a casual "ha" in return. today, however, the person (who i'm guessing is a girl, and not the person who drew in my circle) asked my who i am. i didn't give out my name, of course. who knows, she could be some child pedophile. or the teacher trying to pull one over on me. i just told the girl/childpedophile/teacher that i'm a freshman.

period 6:

just a normal day in math. except for the fact that the person sitting next to me found out right before the class started that her car had been hit in the parking lot. she left. i helped mr. wilson put her stuff away (kinda) and that's why i was late. melanie.

this saturday:

i have a very busy day planned. my aunt and uncle are coming to town to check on my grandma, and i will prolly be eating at my grandma's house. feel free to call, but i won't answer. i will also be getting a hair cut. i still dunno what i'm getting, so don't ask. it will be a surprise. for everyone. :0 however, i am pretty sure that i will be able to post a song of the week, so be prepared.


luffles
[.liss.]

mikey

school today was boring. nothing special happened in math like yesterday, but wilson is back. i laughed at him, cuz he took this fone from a kid, and he looked at it in our class and he says, "well, i felt the txts, but i didn't feel the call." i laughed really loud. he made a funny face and smiled. kinda normal. better than a nod anyway. i actually played okay in band too, right maddy? um... ron swore a lot at his car. the gas gage was fritzin' and i think he kicked it at one point. scotts puppy got even cuter. its a little boxer/lab and his legs are freakishly long and clumsey. his name is jake now, but i like mikey better.

fake fingernails and the rubix cube

today was pretty much a normal day at lincoln high school. the hallways were horribly crowded, and everyone was tired. *sigh* nothing really exciting happened until after band (which i pretty much block out anyway). i was sitting in my desk, right in front of mr. wilson's (vacant seat). we had this terribly long assignment (that i have yet to start) and we had to turn in the assignment from yesterday (which i had yet to finish). and for some strange reason, the person on either side of me decided they would like to talk to me and ask questions about the work that i did not understand. i don't even know their names, (well, okay, i do). the lovely person to my left, who everyone affectionately calls "chewbacca," persistently talked about how twitchy the sub was while trying to write with her impossibly nasty hot pink, fake fingernails. with diamonds. *gag* who knew chewbacca had a feminine side? she was also wearing a sweatshirt inside out. (if anyone would like to try and explain this, go ahead.) finally, when it was quiet and i could actually pretend to be doing my homework, i catch a part of the conversation taking place behind me by a bunch of giggling girls. it went somewhere alone the lines of, "hey ________, you should try the one kind of boose, its the best- you get a buzz so fast. then you can come over to my house...." i dunno, i'm prolly exaggerating. but somehow, i don't think so.

after that class, scott gave me his rubix cube (which i didn't even bother trying to solve) and i immediately was attacked when i entered my next class. i kinda flinched away, and when i sat at my desk, i realized that i know longer had the mysterious little cube. after class starts, someone set it on my desk and before i could touch it, the guy next to be took it and proceeded to solve the darn thing in like 5 seconds flat. the rest of the period was spent with me mixing it up and him solving it. i succeeding once at stumping him, but he figured it out and i was able to get the cube back to scott unscathed.

winter formal pics

i have just been informed that i will not be able to put up the pics of ron and the posse. i was deeply saddened. this makes me want to use some anyway. i'll see what i can do. i can always describe them too, but there is just somethings that aren't as good as seeing. seeing is believing, afterall.

sneek peek:

ron and scott are cute together :)

i'm not a virgin, i'm irish

how was winter formal last night, for all you social party going people? as you can see in the post before this, i did not go. i did however, get to laugh at my brother when he was getting ready. hey zoey, did you see the posse there? i figured you would have. is ron a good dancer?!? i have pics (hilarious) and i'll see if i can put them in a slide show when ron updates them onto the compy.

so, after getting home last night from my grand-rents house, the first thing that i said was, "who sprayed cologne?" it was horrifying. if anyone has watched doogie howser, you would notice that when teenage males get nervous, they sweat, and to prevent any bad bo, they spray on gallons of man perfume. *gag* this morning it was almost just as bad, and i prolly smell like a boy now.

i had church this morning. advent sermon notes and all that jazz. the usual doodling on the back. nothing special. my mom had to teach sunday school today, (which she started for my sister, even tho she's never there), and we were in the theater, (yes, we have a theater in our church, tho the chairs are very small and it's hard to cross your legs if the want posseses you). it was a short movie about the vergin mary and joseph and the birth of christ. but the good part didn't come until the end when the class had to answer questions about what had happened. one of these questions was, "how could we relate to mary and joseph?" someone practically yelled out that the couple are vergins, (poor unknowing kids) and a wise-cracking little bugger replyed, "i'm not a vergin, i'm irish."

song of the week

i plan on posting a song of the week every saturday, but don't bet your life on it. some weeks it might be a song that sums up the experiences of the week, or just the first thing that pops into my head.

this week:

Pain
Three Days Grace
One- X

Pain, without love
Pain, I can't get enough
Pain, I like it rough
'Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all

You're sick of feeling numb
You're not the only one
I'll take you by the hand
And I'll show you a world that you can understand

This life is filled with hurt
When happiness doesn't work
Trust me and take my hand
When the lights go out you will understand

Pain, without love
Pain, I can't get enough
Pain, I like it rough
'Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all

Pain, without love
Pain, I can't get enough
Pain, I like it rough
'Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all

Anger and agony
Are better than misery
Trust me I've got a plan
When the lights go off you will understand

Pain, without love
Pain, I can't get enough
Pain, I like it rough
'Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all

Pain, without love
Pain, I can't get enough
Pain, I like it rough
'Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing

Rather feel pain I know
(I know I know I know I know)
That you're wounded You know
(You know you know you know you know)
That I'm here to save youYou know
(You know you know you know you know)
I'm always here for you I know
(I know I know I know I know)

That you'll thank me later

Pain, without love
Pain, can't get enough
Pain, I like it rough
'Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all

Pain, without love
Pain, I can't get enough
Pain, I like it rough
'Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all

Pain, without love
Pain, I can't get enough
Pain, I like it rough
'Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all
Rather feel pain than nothing at all
Rather feel pain

aaron-- its so cold!

last night, my house was standing at an impossible like, -24.7 degrees. i woke up in the middle of the night, huddled in a little ball under my 4 heavy, quilted blankets, shivering. i vaugly remember putting a pair of flannel (yes, flannel) pants on, then some short shorts, then about 3 pairs of long socks, self-made leg warmers, and then a large sweatshirt with the hood pulled over my head and a nice little bow tied under my chin so that it wouldn't come off during the night. i then went back to bed with my iHome blaring in my ear and my head under the covers. heh. this morning ron woke me up and i held a conversation with him about the weather. :) after wasting my whole morning watching season 1 of doogie howser, M.D. and pinnocio the movie with the middle child from home improvement, i took a steaming hot shower until my the bottoms of my feet were red hot and bothered and the cuts on my fingers (not self-inflicted) were screaming. i got out and was nausious, so laid on the floor of my bathroom for about 4 minutes, and then continued to watch doogie in the living room.

i am now at my grandma's, thinking about zoey, aaron and the rest of the posse and winter formal (aprox. 1 hr 7 min. and counting). ron looks great with his pin stripe pants, white tie and an XXL childrens sweater, (the emo). i have pics.

well, i have to help my mom set up the christmas tree and all the other holiday ... stuff. <---- could you tell i was going to use a different word? then i'll go home and vegitate the night away, wondering y i didn't go to the dance. (sad i know, im sorry mel)

p.s.
for those of you who don't know me, aaron (a.k.a. ron) is the infamous wannabe emo and is the leader of the posse, his group of ... friends. :) oh, he's also my brother.