so, i guess today was the day the luck ran out. i'm not going to get too detailed about things, but maybe a list of the misfortunes in our 3 hour errand run will help. i actually find it kinda funny, so i'm not complainging. it makes my life a little more interesting.
- i'm not sure if i'm going to pass geometry with a good grade...
- the posse are experiencing some technical difficulties.
- brandi shut my foot in the van door
- the door broke
- the automatic door made loud screeching noises (like the subwoofer)
- because brandi needs braces, we might find it hard to buy some things. like many types of food.
- this means my plan of eating healthier kinda goes down the drain, since the only cheap food is junk food.
- i almost cried in the grocery store because i once again came to the conclusion that america is fucking stupid.
- i feel bad about our money problem because i just spent my 170 confirmation dollars on just myself.
- while carrying a twelve pack of green tea to the door, i dropped it twice; once on the ground and once on my foot.
and that's only what happened today. i could also mention how the wind-sheild wiper on the van broke and of course the thing with the tire on ron's car yesterday. the only problem is, it's putting so much stress on mom that i get anxious whenever i look at her. yea, this is going to be a hard summer. i'm just hoping i can do something to help.
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[welcome.]
navigating around the school hallways and seeing the people walk by, i look into their faces. i notice their hair color, whether they wear glasses, what color eyes they have, who they walk with... its corny, but i try to look past all of that, too. once and awhile its nice for someone as shy as me to pass another person in the hall, a complete stranger no less, who dares to make eye contact and sends my heart into flutters. i can't help thinking, "that person saw me." but its not really the act of "seeing" itself, its more the act of "searching," that means most to me. i feel lost. i feel disposable; a picture frame that gets a scratch across the glass and is thrown away, just to be replaced. i don't really have a problem with that, i don't feel like i need to be pitied or ... that i need to seek attention. its the replacement that bothers me. i want to offer something that no one else can, i just haven't found that thing yet. this is just the ramblings of a high school no one who likes to watch rather then do. i like to think of myself as rather quiet, yet excitable and fun to be around. but there's always that underlying feeling of unease and awkwardness, that i've only been able to overcome a few times in my life. i don't want to change who i am. i don't want others to pretend to see in me what they don't. i want people to see the bad side of me, and spend the time searching for the good. i look for the best in others, and often times face the flaws in myself. welcome to my public diary...
1 comment:
Wow. You make me feel like such a selfish kid. Whatever, all the mindless chores I do around here have got to have some monetary value right? What I need to do is get a job. That's not going to happen though. I have to spend all my time studying for World Geo. Anyone who's taken the class feel like helping? Seriously, talk to me. Ok, sorry for advertising on you blog...
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