Monday, February 18, 2008

EXPIRED

well this has been a long... interesting weekend. i hope you had a good one, cuz school starts again tomorrow. yay. :P um... so where to start. i'm babysitting devil child right now, (double yay), which kinda gives me something to do. but might get to watch movies. ooo, that's something to talk about. im gunna list all the movies i have watched/rented to watch this weekend.

watched
the Last Kiss
Children of Men
Martian Child
She's the Man
The Breakfast Club

rented
Children of Men
I now Pronounce you Chuck & Larry
Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer
Almost Famous
Martian Child
The Bourne Ultimatum

we (as in my mom, manirexic brother, possibly bipolar sister and i) went to the mall this morning. we were early enough to watch the chain gates protecting any shopliftable valuables from being snatched, and to be the first into hot topic. it was a beautiful thing. 'course they didn't have the sizes that i wanted in the most amazing shirts, and the only thing i left with was a couple cheaply expensive guitar picks. ron however was having a feild-day. he bought 86.96$ worth of collision super skinny jeans and flannel. i knew this day would come...

in other news, i got my ears peirced. that was fun. let me just say that the pinch and the shooting, burning feeling are exactly as i remember them. but guess what?! the kill was playing over the radio while i was getting tortured. jared was with me. in a none creepy way. i caught "a beautiful lie" on fuse for about the 7th time this weekend, too. i seriously forgot how much i love them. <3 it was closly followed by "nine in the afternoon," and "never too late," so that kinda made my freakish day.

well my sister's in the shower (yes! FREEDOM!), so the dvd player is free. i'm planning on using my freetime wisely. maybe i'll hold a rave in the kitchen.

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[welcome.]

navigating around the school hallways and seeing the people walk by, i look into their faces. i notice their hair color, whether they wear glasses, what color eyes they have, who they walk with... its corny, but i try to look past all of that, too. once and awhile its nice for someone as shy as me to pass another person in the hall, a complete stranger no less, who dares to make eye contact and sends my heart into flutters. i can't help thinking, "that person saw me." but its not really the act of "seeing" itself, its more the act of "searching," that means most to me. i feel lost. i feel disposable; a picture frame that gets a scratch across the glass and is thrown away, just to be replaced. i don't really have a problem with that, i don't feel like i need to be pitied or ... that i need to seek attention. its the replacement that bothers me. i want to offer something that no one else can, i just haven't found that thing yet. this is just the ramblings of a high school no one who likes to watch rather then do. i like to think of myself as rather quiet, yet excitable and fun to be around. but there's always that underlying feeling of unease and awkwardness, that i've only been able to overcome a few times in my life. i don't want to change who i am. i don't want others to pretend to see in me what they don't. i want people to see the bad side of me, and spend the time searching for the good. i look for the best in others, and often times face the flaws in myself. welcome to my public diary...