after being in the sun for 8 hours a day, you really start to get peeved when you look up to the sky and you see that clear blue. any day its raining or cloudy (like people would expect from a place such as, oh i dont know, Forks Washington?) most people would look around and say, "wow, this is a really crappy day." marching band members on the other hand think its the best day ever. i'm not even going to go into details, but now more then ever, i wish i was pale (...still). i hate the sun. too bad we need it to live...
on a brighter note: twilight. ome. i guess you could say its an obsession... i love everything about it- and if i ever got the chance to meet stephanie meyer i can garentee you that my life would be severly different from that day forward, not to mention the flabergasted stuttering that would ensue. she is one of my (many) rolemodels. i hate to say it, but the only thing that is going through my head during marching band is, "twilighttwilighttwilighttedwardcullenwilighttwilightbellatwilighttwilighttwilighttwilighttwilighttwilightihatethesuntwilighttwilight." no joke. i often find myself looking around for someone who i dunno, glitters in the sunlight? its driving me insane. but i i'll live... hopefully.
until later,
[lissa] xoxo
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[welcome.]
navigating around the school hallways and seeing the people walk by, i look into their faces. i notice their hair color, whether they wear glasses, what color eyes they have, who they walk with... its corny, but i try to look past all of that, too. once and awhile its nice for someone as shy as me to pass another person in the hall, a complete stranger no less, who dares to make eye contact and sends my heart into flutters. i can't help thinking, "that person saw me." but its not really the act of "seeing" itself, its more the act of "searching," that means most to me. i feel lost. i feel disposable; a picture frame that gets a scratch across the glass and is thrown away, just to be replaced. i don't really have a problem with that, i don't feel like i need to be pitied or ... that i need to seek attention. its the replacement that bothers me. i want to offer something that no one else can, i just haven't found that thing yet. this is just the ramblings of a high school no one who likes to watch rather then do. i like to think of myself as rather quiet, yet excitable and fun to be around. but there's always that underlying feeling of unease and awkwardness, that i've only been able to overcome a few times in my life. i don't want to change who i am. i don't want others to pretend to see in me what they don't. i want people to see the bad side of me, and spend the time searching for the good. i look for the best in others, and often times face the flaws in myself. welcome to my public diary...
2 comments:
the sun is pretty much my mortal enemy. it will be the death of me. literally. but alas, band is just so much fun! well, that was sarcastic, but the actual drive to competitions kick ass. if you're on the "cool bus" which i'm sure the alternates / cymbal players will be on. that bus is also the bus that we will be on. bus 7 meet alissa. holy fuck it's hot out today, thank god for no band!
haha i think you jinxed us maddy..
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